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[Jun. 11th, 2009|09:29 pm] |
I went to the army surplus today and bought two very large bags. One is the traditional top-loading military duffel in black, it is 30" x 50" and the other is a heavy-duty side zip bag of similar proportions and also black. They are both satisfyingly heavy, their dense material speaks of survivability and sturdiness. "Throw me into the undercarriage of any plane, train, or bus -- I'll be fine!" The seem to confidently proclaim. I want to store my worldly possessions inside them and feel free and portable in the process.
In ten days I leave for Utah for what will be an eight week trip on the shortest end, and the first step in a permanent relocation on the other. I own a travel set of matching suitcase, roller, and carry on that I adore; but they aren't designed for trips of this length. I found that I could fit next to nothing in my hard-shelled suitcase last time I went to Utah for over a month. And let's face it: I wanted to feel like a vagabond in the way only a duffel can make you feel!
In evaluating what I am going to take I find myself sheepishly worrying that I won't be able to fill the bag. I am to the point where I think I will be able to fit all my clothing, art supplies, and keepsakes in one of these bad boys! It is terrifying really when I think of all the things I have pared out of my existence. Sure multiple boxes of childhood mementos and toy collections are staying here in storage at my family's home. And I would be heavier loaded were I forced to travel with them, but I keep those things for a future self who has not yet arrived and generations still intangible.
I recall, over a year ago I said that I would like to get down to one bag for ease of greyhound trips and moving in a small sedan. I think I am at that point. This makes me want to recklessly toss out even more as if I need to put an exclamation mark on the end of whatever point I am proving. But that's just silly. I have shed enough for the sake of a statement or out of desperation. (I will forever miss my phone booth.) If I leave a box or two of silly plastic nonsense I end up tossing a few years down the road so be it. There exists so little in the way of physical record of who I have been over the past two years, let other phases of my life be represented in excess. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 7th, 2009|12:08 am] |
Happy things:
my new wool is fantastic.
Jason has gotten to take Peter Fox and done fun daddy/babby things.
I am leaving for Utah soon.
Kai has his computer.
Unhappy things:
Kate got sad and overwhelmed.
I could use a drink.
Kai is sad. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 1st, 2009|11:37 am] |
Things making me happy the past few days:
KAI AND KATE!
KATE AND KAI!
Tuition being paid by my wonderful parents who support me in every endeavor I have and love me for who I am.
I am going back to college in less than a month.
My mother being the perfect hostess. How she opens her home to everyone and shows any stranger respect and consideration has been a milestone in teaching me how to love my fellow man and be a superb entertainer in the process. Also my father stretching his comfort levels and accepting house guests when he doesn't want to; because he doesn't have to but does.
Wool! Both ordering more and spinning what I got. There is now 8 oz (that's a lot) of luminescent icy blue with pink stripes coming my way! Did I mention I got it on sale AND it's superwash?
Jason, because he is always at the back of my mind and the depths of my heart; being a warming and centering source of courage and strength in my life.
My health, the fact that I notice when I haven't taken my pills means I feel better when I do. The fact that I feel exhausted when I don't sleep means I am being rested when I do. This proves to me that I am healing, I am improving, and I am fortunate.
The jeans that I now fit into that I didn't a few months ago. Also, how good said jeans make my ass look. *grin* Maybe I should start wearing pants more to show off this boo-tay?
How long this list is today. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 26th, 2009|01:43 pm] |
Makes me happy:
My cat of 16 years is not only a queen (which is the term for a female cat fyi) but also a matriarch. She rules the house with an iron paw, demanding loves from all human peasants and a wide birth from all other animals she tolerates in her domain. Now don't let this description mislead you. Pim is THE MOST affectionate cat you will meet. I am willing to put money on that. She has loved each stranger that has ever come to our door with the passion and conviction rivaling that of a fifteen year-old girl swooning for Edward Cullen.
But she has been and will always be my cat. Since the beginning, for all the drooly love she would bestow on my family; she would follow me a little more, sleep on my bed, find my lap. The bond between her and me has grown over the years to where she pretty much stays by my side at all times. Thankfully for both of us I am a fairly stationary creature. I craft at my table or sit on my computer. But even when I go out for a swim she will skulk by the side of the pool and when I do my yoga she looks on disapprovingly from the foot of my bed.
Pim has made four cross-country moves with me. And countless more before with the entire family. I am resigned to avoid moving her again until it is absolutely necessary, because at her age the stress is not good. She was a panting vomiting mess on the plane back from NC a year ago and it gave me panic attacks and weeping fits to see her like that. The stewardess was awesome though and let me take Pimmy out of her case and hold her on my lap while in air. I think that's the only reason either of us made it in one piece.
I call her my kitty-mommy. She raised me and has taught me so much over the years. I literally have personality traits and even mannerisms that can be directly traced back to this cat. And it's an honor to resemble her. I have sometimes gotten teased by my family or partner for how much I let Pim push me around. I pick her up and coddle her, give her food or treats, and play the in again our again game at the slightest hint of displeasure from her. I can only say that she has earned it. She has earned more than I can ever hope to give her. And so strive to bestow as much as I can every day.
Also, with her age being what it is, I live every day with her as though it could be our last together. I never want to say to myself, "I didn't get to hug her one last time." Or have a sliver of doubt about whether she was happy or felt loved. So I spoil my cat, but it is one of the most rewarding things I do. And ever time she clings to me or melts into my arms every 2am paw in the face or drool in the ear is made worth it. Few people are blessed enough to have so magnificent a soul enter their lives. I cherish and honor the gift. I love my cat. |
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| Writer's Block: There Can Be Only One |
[May. 22nd, 2009|02:43 pm] |
Obviously monogamy exists. It isn't something like Nessie where there isn't proof of it. It's everywhere. It is the standard relationship model for most of the world's cultures. So yes, I believe in monogamy. The underlying question I believe is being asked though is do I believe it works? And again I would say that for some people it is a healthy relationship dynamic; so in that sense I also believe in it. But there is a much more complex answer as well.
I do not believe it is for everyone. Cheating is so prevalent in the world that obviously many people are seeking satisfaction romantically or sexually from more than once source. So why follow a model that makes the act bad and wrong, that hurts you and your partners, when there is another option. Non-monogamy takes many forms, and I believe it is a very under-used relationship model.
I do not mean strictly polyamory, which is a very open term and within itself has tons of styles, but revolves around a common culture. I mean just having more than one SO. Youth who choose not to go steady and date multiple people at a given time and enacting non-monogamy. A married couple who have agreed to having sex partners outside the relationship, but no romantic partners are practicing non-monogamy. Hell, technically those people running off behind their partner's back are practicing it too, just poorly.
For me personally I have had multiple relationships that were non-monogamous. Some were successful, others were not. I learned from all the experiences surely. And I feel that where I am at now non-monogamy is still a viable style that I could potentially practice. I have met mixed reactions from people when explaining to them my choice. Many assume I have sex with anyone I know, including them. Others are just disgusted because it does upset social norms. I recall that the person who was most vehemently against my lifestyle was a former friend of mine, she had herself cheated on 4 different partners. I feel it was jealously more than anything else that made her spiteful.
In short, monogamy exists, and it works for some people. But it is not the only or even the best relationship prototype to adhere to. And just as there are many different ways in which monogamy is practiced, so is non-monogamy. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 21st, 2009|03:00 am] |
Things that made me happy today:
Nice talk with the Starbuck who made my frap
Having a vanilla frap
Remembering to eat
Feeling good about my life choices after researching family farming
Found a lot of information on natural farm practices
Blackberry yoghurt |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 19th, 2009|12:05 pm] |
Things makin' me happy the past few days:
making boxes and masks
Cam is my brudda and I love him
I paid off yet another card which means NONE of my credit cards have anything charged on them!
New bra that is very comfy and hugs my body good for workouts
My hair is not staining everything in a 4 foot radius from me
Things not so great:
UVU will not take SUU credit
The classes I want for the fall have a pre-rec I am taking this summer so I can't register for them yet. Hilarity ensues as I try to call the professors to get the prerec waved. Joy.
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| (no subject) |
[May. 17th, 2009|12:12 am] |
Things that made me happy the past few days:
Shaina talking to me
Kai and me getting along really well and being super playful
Cam coming home for the summer
Pain meds
Getting my hair redyed by a salon lady
My mom and me going swimming together every day
Belly dance practice
Kai's new hair cut looking so good
The fact that Kai's hair was 21 inches long before being cut and he let me take pictures of it!
Sad things:
Body pain, so much body pain
wearing things that show scars due to it being summer
UVU not taking my SUU hours, so me needing 6 more than before to be done
Paris mold melting a little |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 11th, 2009|01:35 am] |
Happy things seven for the 10th of May 2009
Nothing made me happy today. Though my mother enjoyed the gift I got her. So that's good. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 10th, 2009|04:35 am] |
Happy thing 6 for May 9th, 2009:
I saw star trek with my partner. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 6th, 2009|02:02 pm] |
Things that made me happy today #3 6th of May 2009:
- I made a youtube video where I signed. It wasn't very good and I am sure I messed up, but I am proud of it. And it was very much a labor of love.
- I lay down to finally sleep at a bit past noon. I didn't sleep, but instead had a vision of six years in the future. It was pretty damn ideal. I want to make it a reality now. I plan to write it down for posterity and eerie accuracy down the road. *crosses fingers* |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 5th, 2009|04:49 pm] |
Things that made me happy today, 5th of May 2009:
I have a therapist who cares about me as a client and as a friend. My therapist doesn't just tell me what I want to hear, she often tells me what I need to hear. Thankfully there's a lot of cross over in that venn diagram. She believes in me again as a client and as a person. She respects my opinion as much as I respect hers (maybe even moreso). I can make her laugh and she lets me cry. Yay mental health professionals. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 4th, 2009|09:07 pm] |
1. Post about something that made you happy today, even if it's just a small thing.
2. Do this every day for eight days.
3. Tag eight of your friends to do the same.
No tagging, because everyone I would expect to do it was already tagged. But here goes.
Day 1, 4th of May 2009:
Today I got enough meds to last me through the summer in Utah. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 28th, 2009|04:20 am] |
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Oh, ElJay, I am sorry. I just wrote five blog entries across my various blogs. And none for you. I went back to my calendar and you can see them fizzle out. I should update you more. But really who reads you? (As if anyone's reading the blogger Ari, be real.) I didn't have anything to say. I was just making sure I showed you some love and reminding you that I check my f-list daily still. I do. Really. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 1st, 2009|09:48 am] |
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Though the last few days of the trip were spoiled by pesky emergency abdominal surgery over all this past month plus has been a blast. I have gotten to spend good amounts of time with old friends and make a few new ones. I have learned new craft skills, gotten a really cute book on extreme sock toys, and knitted up a storm. I desperately hope that my intentions to come back to Utah are actualized sooner rather than later. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 30th, 2009|08:56 pm] |
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I have been in Utah a bit now, getting into a new pattern. I am on my own often, which is new and fun. I walk around and find fun places to knit or spin in. I talk to new people. I will soon be going up to SLC to soak in some night-life before I head back to Tay-has. I like getting out and about. Phlebotomy school is going well, but my gods I do not want to wake up as early as I need to tomorrow. Stupid mornings should stop existing or something. Sheesh! So, give me a call if you're in the area -- or else expect me on your doorstep some time soon. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 2nd, 2009|03:15 pm] |
Ok, 2009. I will have had this LJ five fucking years. I transitioned from my old one in '04, started this one when I moved to UT for the second time. On this day a year ago I started a blog and made that my major form of internet journaling. I found that I was limiting and censoring myself too much in this venue.
That happens because LJ does have a solid community structure and then suddenly like, everyone you know reads it and you KNOW they read it. And I just wasn't brave enough; so I chalked up my autonomy a little bit. I kept this open though to keep up with the comms and the f-list. (btw, if anyone wants in on the blog just lemme know.)
I feel sort of ashamed that I have been on LiveJournal seven years now. I remember the codes goddamnit! Happy New Year. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 26th, 2008|02:26 pm] |
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I don't have time for an entire Christmas write-up yet. But I am too excited not to share this little gem. Behind the cut is a photo montage of awesome. I don't even know how my mom got this thing, but I am pretty sure it included killing a man. ( Read more... ) |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 25th, 2008|02:15 am] |
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An idea for a really-really good low to no cost Christmas gift for me? All three of the Eden Ex Eps and that practice CD they made burned onto disks and like labeled and stuff. I have them, but they're in NC with most my other possessions, and one is too scratched to play right. And well, I miss them. So, please Santa -- Bring me Eden Ex for Christmas! |
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