|Writer's Block: There Can Be Only One
||[May. 22nd, 2009|02:43 pm]
A Husk and A Shell
Do you believe in monogamy?
Obviously monogamy exists. It isn't something like Nessie where there isn't proof of it. It's everywhere. It is the standard relationship model for most of the world's cultures. So yes, I believe in monogamy. The underlying question I believe is being asked though is do I believe it works? And again I would say that for some people it is a healthy relationship dynamic; so in that sense I also believe in it. But there is a much more complex answer as well.
I do not believe it is for everyone. Cheating is so prevalent in the world that obviously many people are seeking satisfaction romantically or sexually from more than once source. So why follow a model that makes the act bad and wrong, that hurts you and your partners, when there is another option. Non-monogamy takes many forms, and I believe it is a very under-used relationship model.
I do not mean strictly polyamory, which is a very open term and within itself has tons of styles, but revolves around a common culture. I mean just having more than one SO. Youth who choose not to go steady and date multiple people at a given time and enacting non-monogamy. A married couple who have agreed to having sex partners outside the relationship, but no romantic partners are practicing non-monogamy. Hell, technically those people running off behind their partner's back are practicing it too, just poorly.
For me personally I have had multiple relationships that were non-monogamous. Some were successful, others were not. I learned from all the experiences surely. And I feel that where I am at now non-monogamy is still a viable style that I could potentially practice. I have met mixed reactions from people when explaining to them my choice. Many assume I have sex with anyone I know, including them. Others are just disgusted because it does upset social norms. I recall that the person who was most vehemently against my lifestyle was a former friend of mine, she had herself cheated on 4 different partners. I feel it was jealously more than anything else that made her spiteful.
In short, monogamy exists, and it works for some people. But it is not the only or even the best relationship prototype to adhere to. And just as there are many different ways in which monogamy is practiced, so is non-monogamy.